fredag den 1. april 2011

Going international

Selvfølgelig var dette indlæg en aprilsnar. Selvom jeg virkelig havde gjort mit bedste for at gøre det nemt for jer, var der alligevel nogle stykker, der faldt i. Når I er så naive, undrer det mig ikke længere, at en rød regering kan blive valgt.

Da ideen om at overgå til engelsk ikke er langt ude, forsøgte jeg at gøre det tydeligt ved at skrive indlægget på ubehjælpeligt engelsk på omkring 4 minutter og 23 sekunder, mens jeg med vilje blandede utroligt elendige formuleringer ind blandt dem, tidspresset naturligt dannede. Alligevel når jeg ikke ned på Villy Søvndals niveau, og selvom du skulle være så fin og ædel, at du ikke nedgør folk på grund af sprogvanskeligheder, kan du stadig grine af (eller græde over) talens banale indhold.

Til sidst et par screenshots fra Facebook, hvor folk ikke holdt sig tilbage for at kritisere mit sprog:

Welcome everybody!

This is the day, when Bitter Blog turns english, and I would like to use this oppertunity to welcome all my new english readers. You won't be disappointed.

Bitter Blog has become an institution in the danish blogosphere. With its always wellwritten and funny posts it has in a matter of only three and a half years built up no less than 88 regular readers (which is about 78 percent of danes with an actual, productive job). I will follow this tradition in my transition to the english language, and I don't expect you to disappoint me either. While it is nice in general that Bitter Blog is to be available in english, it is also because I feel a need as a danish citizen to tell the world, that we are some who want to apologize.

In a half year or so, our goverment will after all probability become even more socialist than ever before. You might have heard that we have the world's highest taxes but this is just the beginning. Right now the minority of the working danes are slaves to the majority of lazy danes (and a few, which are not danes) which prefer to lie in their couches and smoke cigarettes while they beat the hell out of their wives. If they are women (the lazy people on the couch, not the wives, obviously) they will beat the hell out of their children and compain to their municipality about it.

The danes are about to unleash a cancer upon the world. The cancer is called ”velfærd”. Velfærd means that you will tax the living shit out of your productive citizens while giving it all to the lazy people who just don't wan't to work. Then you use all the money on hiring administrive personell in the public sector which can run around with reports and signing it without ever producing anything anyone ever wants. You also build velfærds-technology which is useless crap nobody will ever buy unless they want a 50+ percent increase in tax or they need a big cooling fan for their grassing cows (windmills).

This country is going down the drain and I just want to apologize about it before someone rescues us and uncovers all the gulags, Ole Sohn will introduce. Oh yes, Ole Sohn is the former leader of the Communist Party in Denmark during the last years of the cold war and would have become a communist dictator if the Soviet Union hadn't broke down, and he is about to be minister of our finances. I can't even compare this situation to anything in your own country if you are english or from the USA, and in need of anything better I can compare it to voting that russian bandit from Rambo III to be minister in your country. The funny thing is that the communist sides have been telling you for the last 10 years that our country has become fascist as we only allowed 59.000 immigrants (in 2010 alone) to live permanently in our country, doing absolutely nothing all day while we pay them welfare, that the communists thinks is all to low.

Anyway, you will read a lot of this from this day forward on this blog. And just to warn you: Not everybody in this country is as good to english as I am. I have been educated in our public schools which favours the pupils ability to group-hug instead of any actually useful skills. This is also the result of the socialist governments in the past but luckily I was intelligent enough to avoid being completely hopeless. Not all is that lucky. Just listen to our coming foreign minister, the complete moron Villy Søvndal, as he speaks on the Copenhagen conference on environment.

Thank you, and once again: Welcome.

13 kommentarer:

Anonym sagde ...

This is indeed a bitter reaction. There is nothing wrong in a bit of self-praise but don't go bashing others for their poor English skills when yours are also lacking. A spell check would give away the first handful of necessary corrections to your post.

Other than that, keep it coming.

T. sagde ...

Øv øv. Jeg håber humoren kommer tilbage, selv hvis du skal klare dig med dit middelmådige engelsk. Men jeg er bange for at det vil fordufte fra nu af.

Bitter Blog sagde ...

T.: I will prefer if you reply in english from now on, so that all readers may understand what people are saying.

And don't worry about the humour.

Anonym sagde ...

"Not everybody in this country is as good to english as I am"

I do believe the correct phrase would be "good at english" !?

Nice one.

Anonym sagde ...

Hahahaha!!! Første aprilsnar med et egentligt indhold. Spændende!

Anonym sagde ...

I do not think that yours ænglish is søv god, as the pibles you are making fun with.

Mvh. Borge.

Martin sagde ...


With Bitter Blog in English, velfærdstechnology and hot lefties, Denmark is more than ready for globalization.

Anonym sagde ...

Nej, Bitter Blog. Vi falder ikke for det.

Thomas sagde ...

Det var da nogle uintelligente, venstreorienterede læsere, du har, Bitter.

1. April.. Siger det jer noget?...

Anonym sagde ...

I forget to mension, that that was auer coming outlandish minister.


Anonym sagde ...

THAT is good humor, as one says. happy 1st of april, bitterblog. I really enjoy reading your blog, although I'm female, lefty and kind of hot.

Anonym sagde ...

Det er fanm´e en latterlig dag
selv ens ynglingdblogger prøver på at være morsom. Glæder mig til i morgen...

Anonym sagde ...

Found a whole lot of mistakes too, however, if the blog was to be in English I would still, gladly, show it to my English friends.

The world should be revealed to all the truths this blog contains!

Happy belated 1st April (: